Do NOT get me wrong. I am a superhero girlie. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the obsession stems from having a father I barely saw who was superhero obsessed and having a well supported Pisces North Node. I still hear his voice talking about Spawn, the Hulk and (predominantly) Wolverine lore. I would go to his house on random weekends.
Reflecting back, it was so weird for me. I lived with my mother, stepfather and two half siblings. My family had an early to bed, early to rise routine. Weekends at my father’s house though, felt alien. I would wake up alone, his family of five slept in. By the TV was a small VHS collection. I’ll stop right here and tell you - I have Taurus placements. Taurus is the hoarder of the zodiac. The collector. I am fascinated by an aesthetic set of just about anything.
This collection included X-Men the animated series. I devoured it. Sometimes it would be hours before everyone else eventually rolled out of bed. You can watch a lot of 22 minute episodes in a couple hours.
So in part, my enthusiasm for superheroes, like many things in my life and birth chart, stems from daddy issues. Luckily, I LOVE being a nerd. So let’s get into it.
As far as superheroes go, Batman is whatever. Please don’t put him on the same level as Captain America or the Hulk, let alone Scarlet Witch or Magneto. No, Batman’s logical parallel would be Iron Man. They have access to the same resources. They’re billionaires.
Genius billionaires. So they tinker, and turn themselves into superheroes.
Okay, weird flex, but fine. You could end world hunger or cancer and still have time to enact world peace before the year is over, but for sure, flutter around New York with your god complexes.
We both know Iron Man is winning the fight. He’s in a nano tech suit and Batman is in tights.
His main villains feel like friendly neighborhood Spiderman villains as opposed to universe ending titans. I don’t see Bruce Wayne going toe-to-toe with Thanos in any timeline. He’s got the wacko in clown makeup, the guy that wants to be a bird, the frozen guy, and a handful of very lethal, very sexy ladies.
Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn lend a lot of heft to DC in my opinion. Makes me wonder why they aren’t utilizing it more.
The coolest thing about Batman, besides his deliciously goth aesthetic, is ofc, his gadgets. Newsflash - that’s not special.
He’s the epitome of why I hate things like professional sports and academia. There are people all over who could be at an Ivy League or in the NBA, they just don’t have access to the resources. Any billionaire backed science lab could churn out what he does. That doesn’t make him an elite hero.
Though I will admit those gadgets are sick. The TRUSTIEST grappling hook in all of pop culture. The scene that stays in my head is from one of the Nolan movies and he has somehow hooked himself up to see all of the city. (Even then, how much did Lucius help him?!) So he’s got this overlay of the city in his mask on a screen. Yes.
So tell me why this guy feels the need to keep a facade? Like be a hero with your whole chest or gtfo. Because Batman goes from motorcycle chase to the country club. When he’s not swinging around at night, he is trying to convince us he’s a billionaire philanthropist.
Full stop. No such thing can ever exist. Supporting capitalism to the extent that you own more than you could ever spend means your donations are shit. Wealth and resource hoarders are literally the villains of real life. I know comics and superheroes are all tehe haha, but we should all be side eyeing our attachment to billionaires as superheroes, given the unprecedented times and all. Batman is the Elon Musk of superheroes. He’s only part of the conversation because of his wealth.
Ew. To top it all off - he’s a cop. Commissioner Gordon is his bestie. So they have this weird relationship where everybody toes the line and then bust out the giant flashlight when they approve him going full Dog the Bounty Hunter while they look the other way.
As an Aquarius I staunchly despise the systems. Fuck systems. This guy uses all of his privilege to play it like a fiddle. Oh, he built another library? How about schmooze with some higher ups and give everybody free healthcare, you jerk. Nepo babies will not save us, Gotham.
So, yeah, Batman is cool. But when you think about it, he’s really fucking annoying.
He is annoying, which is why they have to make him insufferably sexy. (Robert Pattinson Christian Bale)